Craig Ferguson's analysis of "Why everything sucks"

What's not to like about a sexy, passionate, brilliant Scot?



Love him!

TD

Thanks for making me smile, Billy Collins.

I do think, however, that cats are the poets.

TD

The Revenant

I am the dog you put to sleep,
as you like to call the needle of oblivion,
come back to tell you this simple thing:
I never liked you--not one bit.

When I licked your face,
I thought of biting off your nose.
When I watched you toweling yourself dry,
I wanted to leap and unman you with a snap.

I resented the way you moved,
your lack of animal grace,
the way you would sit in a chair to eat,
a napkin on your lap, knife in your hand.

I would have run away,
but I was too weak, a trick you taught me
while I was learning to sit and heel,
and--greatest of insults--shake hands without a hand.

I admit the sight of the leash
would excite me
but only because it meant I was about
to smell things you had never touched.

You do not want to believe this,
but I have no reason to lie.
I hated the car, the rubber toys,
disliked your friends and, worse, your relatives.

The jingling of my tags drove me mad.
You always scratched me in the wrong place.
All I ever wanted from you
was food and fresh water in my metal bowls.

While you slept, I watched you breathe
as the moon rose in the sky.
It took all of my strength
not to raise my head and howl.

Now I am free of the collar,
the yellow raincoat, monogrammed sweater,
the absurdity of your lawn,
and that is all you need to know about this place

except what you already supposed
and are glad it did not happen sooner--
that everyone here can read and write,
the dogs in poetry, the cats and the others in prose.

- Billy Collins

Harry Doherty: 1999 - 2009

The Greatest Kitty in the Whole Wide World.

I'll miss you.

TD

Americans Love Proving Simon Cowell Wrong.

And tonight, I am proud to be an American.

Americans also love sweet, smart, humble Kris Allen, so suck it, Simon. Love his reaction upon hearing he made it to the finals.

And in my happy place, where Gokey never cracked the top five, here is my dream top three: My girl Allison with this season's actual top two: Kris Allen and Adam Lambert.

Go Kris! Should be a very entertaining finale.

TD

Kris Allen Kicks Idol Ass: "Heartless"

He's been strong all season, very creative with his songs. But he deserves to be in the finale based on this performance alone. I've never liked Kanye West's version. Kris's version has me giddy. Love him.

Cold Blooded @ Yahoo! Video

TD

P.S. Grow up, Judges.

Allison Iraheta: She Was Robbed!

Words can't do justice to the fabulousness that is 17-year-old Allison Iraheta, who left American Idol last night with a fourth-place finish. She's a fantastic combination of sweet kid, edgy teen and old soul. Her voice is amazing. I really, really, really hope people in the music biz are fighting over producing her records. For crying out loud, Slash -- guitarist for Guns & Roses and Velvet Revolver -- tweeted this morning, saying, "Allison didn't deserve to be voted off AI so soon, she has amazing potential." SLASH!

I've included her swan song -- her farewell performance, sung after watching a video highlighting her time on Idol. So there she is in tears, disappointed to be leaving the guys that have become big brothers to her, and -- let's not forget -- only 17 years old. And she blows the roof off the joint.


>

I adore her.

TD

P.S. Suck it, Simon Cowell.